- Steve: Can I just ask Karl how he got on over Christmas? Because the last time I spoke to him, you hadn't bought a present for your girlfriend. I have to say I was on tenterhooks all Christmas.
- Karl: Well you changed it. After that show I felt bad, even though I shouldn't have done, because-
- Steve: So you treated her to some other stuff.
- Karl: Yeah, some bits and bobs.
- Steve: So uh, when you gave those presents to her, did her face light up?
- Karl: Right, I don't want to tell you what they were, right, but she wasn't that impressed.
- Ricky: *laughs* You're gonna tell us what they were now, Karl.
- Karl: You even know what they are, she told you on Christmas day.
- Ricky: Hold on, wait a minute...
- Karl: But it doesn't matter what they are.
- Steve: It does, Karl, it's you mate, of course it matters.
- Ricky [screams]: OH GOD!
- Steve: Have you just remembered?
- Ricky: Yeah!
- Karl: Right but don't, there's no need-
- Ricky: I've got to tell him Karl. I- I really want your permission cause I don't wanna be a, you know I know it's not- it's not that embarrassing it's really quite sweet-
- Karl: Yeah but in a way, right- let me just tell you first, let me tell you why I didn't go all out on the whole present front-
- Steve: Right. Justify yourself.
- Karl: First of all.. I've covered it up since then anyway, with that present because I bought her some shoes yesterday. And she did say "I'll give you the money for them" but I got home I said "it's alright". I said "you can have them".
- *Ricky and Steve laugh*
- Karl: So, not only did I buy her some food on Christmas Day, I got her shoes, she's probably had a total of-
- Ricky: *laughs* Okay can I-
- Karl: When I was a kid, it wasn't about what you got. I remember one year when I was about eight..
- Ricky: *laughs* Oh this is gonna make me cry isn't it, this. Go on.
- Karl: No it's not, I'm just saying the way it is, right. I woke up at about four in the morning and I was like "oh what have a' got?", and I couldn't sleep I was that on edge. It's the excitement of Christmas, isn't it? So it's the fact that people say "no, you won't know until tomorrow". That annoys you, winds you up. So I got up at four in the morning, open me presents, and then went "right I know now", went back to bed, had a great sleep. So it's nothing to do with the excitement of what you get, it's the excitement of not knowing what you've got.
- Steve: But hang on, so what you're saying to me is that, you could wrap up a brick because the thrill of Christmas is in hoping, and being excited about what it is, not the actual gift itself.
- Karl: Yeah.
- Steve: Is that what you did? Rick, did she get a brick?
- Ricky: No, let me tell him now, what he got. He got her her present right and she came around and she said "yeah he got me-" um... it was... it was "an industrial-sized packet of condoms".
- Steve [stumbles]: ...It was a joke gift.
- Karl and Ricky: No, it wasn't a joke gift-
- Steve: It wasn't even a joke?
- Karl: I went home that Saturday after here, passed Boots, thought "they'll have something in here". They were on- like- value.
- Steve: Right, so you passed the make up-
- Ricky: *laughs* Were they used?
- Steve: *laughs* You passed the make-up, you passed all the other-
- Ricky [chuckling]: Passed the make-up, passed the lovely vanity cases, yeah- the foot spas, yeah hold on- hold on- [in Karl's accent] "how much are these luv, for a 'undred? "Four ninety-nine".
- Steve: *laughs* Yeah. "Do I get it reduced if I buy it in bulk?"
- Ricky: So how many did you buy, what was it?
- Karl: I dunno, probably about a hundred.
- Steve: Is she allowed to use those with anyone?
- Ricky: *laughs* And then what did she say when she opened them?
- Steve: I'm just-
- Ricky: Wait wait- I'm- Karl, what did she say?
- Steve: Play a record and we'll come back to this. *laughs* You're worse than my father, that's genius.
- *record plays*
…Howawa! Didn’t we do this before?!
Leave the rest to me! I’m also known by my second name, Dr. Murder, you know!
You’re even reusing your lines!
I CAN’T BELIEVE I FUCKING GOT CHALKZONED
So this is what trust looks like.
Funny, my first thought was “So this is what the patriarchy looks like.”
Why do Tumblr feminists have to make everything about the goddamn patriarchy. You guys are actually embarrassing. There is a lot more than just something like this at play. How to take a good post and make it fucking unbearable 101.
PSA: Geddy Lee teaching you how to safely tobaggan. Remember, you’re never too punk rock for sledding safety.